Live: DJ EZ

When UK Garage Legend DJ EZ was announced to play right here in Norwich, me and many of my friends were anticipating it to be one of the best nights of the year. Yes, the initial details that the night was set at Mercy Nightclub, supposedly one of the most ‘chavtastic clubs’ around, made me slightly reluctant to purchase a ticket, especially at the extortionate price of £17.50- but after having missed the man himself at Latitude due to poor crowd management, I was dying to experience one of his legendary sets.

After being lucky enough to jump one of the largest queues I’ve ever seen for a club, I was excited and ready for EZ- but as soon as I set foot in Mercy my smile turned to a big old frown. The carpets (yeah, carpets in a club, what a great idea) were sticky with a mixture of booze and vomit, adding to the vile and overwhelming smell of the ground floor. I’m all for a grimy night out, I just think carpets in a club is a well stupid idea. The bars were understaffed, with the waiting time to get a couple of beers being about 20 minutes, and the differing prices of drinks at the different bars was outrageous, with a triple vodka costing £3 on one floor but £6.50 on another.

The support DJ’s in the main dance area were fucking atrocious, but in fairness this is probably due to my personal music bias. Still though, Hotline Bling might be a tune, but it doesn’t mean I want to hear it 3 times in the space of an hour. It also seemed to be perfectly acceptable to be greeted with an arse-grab at Mercy, as me and my mate were groped several times before EZ had even come on.
Update: “Alright darlin’” and a hand up a girls skirt, is not the way to go if you want some female attention, even if you have dressed up all pretty for yourself in your best Ralphy polo.

Finally, after having to bob miserably through a shit support set, it was time, EZ took to the decks. I was so ready for this, everyone always raves about how amazing EZ is live and I was so happy to finally be a witness to it. But, of course, it wasn’t meant to be. Although EZ did blare out some total bangers, I just couldn’t enjoy it as much as I should have. The main floor area was way over capacity, I didn’t even have space to dance. Girls in heels swore at me when I knocked into them due to over-hormonal boys starting up a mosh pit to Bring You Flowers. Constant smoke machines made breathing an almost impossible task, and the thickness of the fog also gave some boys a perfect opportunity to continue to grope me without me being able to see their faces. People frantically whipped out their phones to snapchat themselves being drunkenly thrown about the dancefloor, screaming non-correspondent lyrics the whole time. Thankfully, I managed to find my friend, and we left the dance area, and how monumentally shit it was, all behind, to buy another expensive drink at a poorly staffed bar. Oh, and EZ was only on for about 40 minutes anyway, not that anyone noticed when he swapped over with Mercy’s own local DJ.

‘Disappointment’ is the right word to use to sum up my night. There was no value for money, the atmosphere was horrible, and I did not feel comfortable at all. I would strongly suggest you keep yourself, your lover, your mates and your family, away from Mercy Nightclub, to avoid how utterly shit it is. Unless you want to “neck on with that fitty”, probably called Ryan, Connor or Harry, and be subjected to what is basically a breeding ground and a local fight club- Mercy probably isn’t for you.

Overall, it’s a damn shame that EZ played in such an awful venue, and I really hope I enjoy myself more when I see him at Leeds Festival next summer.

5/10